The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
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