i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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