Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
