I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
