Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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