i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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