Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
