On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
