I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
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I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
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wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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