you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
