If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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