i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
