thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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