I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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