She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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