It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
