I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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