I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Randomize
