I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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