he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
