So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
