I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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