this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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