my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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