Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
