Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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