would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
