I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
