Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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