went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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