Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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