So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
