Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
