i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Barsexuality is the new black.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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