ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
