Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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