I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
