apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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