If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
