hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
