careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
