Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
