Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
