every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
