What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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