Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
