Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
