She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
