We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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