Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
