i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
bring money and cleavage
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
