Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
