I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
