I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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