dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
