dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
