Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
