She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
