one two three fourrrrnication!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
