I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
