when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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