i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
