Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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